By: Elizabeth Calloway
Instagram: BuzzyBee25
So as people in todays western world specifically but really any world things are hectic, fast paced, filled with drama, anger, stress and tons of negative feelings that can transfer themselves into being actual health issues. For example, having trouble falling asleep, not staying asleep or sleeping well, depression, anxiety, jealousy, hatefulness, insomnia and can go as far as heart issues and cholesterol issues and much much more.
But how do we really relax when we have so much going on in our every day lives?
First off, we need to understand that controlling everything is absolutely not beneficial to our happiness or our bodies. Another good example of this would be a wife and mother. She generally makes sure the children are taken care of, homework is done, dinner is made, baths are taken, kids are ready for school and get to extra curriculors on time as well as making sure hubby is happy, fed and doing everything he needs to be doing. Then we also have to do what we are supposed to be doing for work and/or the home.
This is immensely stressful. We get into tgis head space no matter what our situation is, that the only way things are going to get done right and efficiently is if we do them ourselves.
This is detrimental to relationships you have inside and outside of the home and to our selves.
To others we give them the right to do nothing but the bare minimum and expect nothing more while basically taking over every responsibility.
This is detrimental to them because children and adults alike need to be made to feel useful first and foremost. If you're constantly saying "just go sit down, i will do this." Or something to that effect you're basically saying "your help is not needed, wanted or appreciated and you're incapable of doing anything i need done and could never measure up to what i would need you to be." So many marriages fail and children become resentful over feelinga such as this from someone they love and it causes a break down of the home or work or personal relationships in the long run.
So how does this affect you? You're constantly running around trying to do literally everything day in and day out and never have time to relax or take an emotional inventory.
Emotional inventory is how you are feeling now, how do you usually feel, why do you feel that way and what can you do to get rid of the negative emotions or hurt and become happier.
If instead you learn to delegate tasks to others they feel that you trust them and meed them and that can turn into love, affection, acts of kindness, etc.
It's when we stop trying to dictate every aspect of our lives and get help when we need it, rely on those we love and who love us as that we can truly know that we have a family and community we can count on and visa versa.
Personally this gives you the option to have me time. Me time means doing something productive that you love. For example, i like knitting, making clothes, etc. These things let me relax and focus completely on something i enjoy. Whether thats for an hour a day or for an entire day this is beneficial to me since when im focusing on me i can think about my life in the abstract and how o can improve it and make those in my life happier as well as make myself happier.
I also always make it a point to do breathing exercises, yoga, exercise, do my makeup and hair, do a little self pampering at home, get massages, go shopping for myself, etc. Every day (at least some of it.) So that I'm showing myself as much love as I'm showing those in my life. You cannot loveothers properly until you love yourself fully. And there's no way around that. Your family always has time to do the things they love but it's all while feeling useless to you if you're the controller. If you're not then flip this and talk to your spouse about how they make you feel this way and what you would like to change so you can feel more important to them. All of this is just an example but you can fit it to your personal situation.
So as i was saying, if everyone has responsibilities as well as time to focus on themselves they will usually be more tgan happy to focus on you and do things out of kindness to make you happy as well as doing this for others.
As human animals there are certain animalistic needs we have as much as we would sometimes like to deny them. Those things are sex, food, breathing, having a home but also feeling needed, feeling important, feeling wanted which is all together different than feeling needed and feeling useful as well as truly happy. So many of us feel we are lacking and try to fill this void in ways that aren't ever going to by things that make us feel good and in turn turn into some addiction. Of course there's drugs and alcohol, but there's also the illusion of love, relationships that feel new, sex with multiple partners, dependency on someone who doesnt really want you around, etc. All of these things give us a temporary high and even help build the illusion that we are happy temporarily but overall we still feel lacking and dont know why.
This is because if you never have the chance or have given someone else a chance to build a true and loving foundation of trust, need, want, love, acceptance, communication, etc. Then you will have never known true unconditional love and true acceptance.
And when we constantly search for those feelings through temporary ways we are shattered to realize it was never real in tge first place.
Again this is why an emotional inventory is important. You can Google the term for a more in depth analysis on how to do this.
So overall we've summised that we have to make others feel needed and important and trusted by letting them be trusted with things we think we can do better ourselves to make them feel loved and wanted and to take away some of our stress and make time for self reflection, self improvement and fun for ourselves.
We have to be honest, kind, helpful, caring, etc to others. Even our enemies but especially those we care for to keep them happy and to keep the relationship real and free of resentful and negative feelings. If you lie you're only lying to and hurting yourself because most people in any type of relationship will know something is not right and you will lose trust whether they actually confront you or not.
Then you need to keep the lines of honest communication open always. This is possibly the most important because if you have this everything else should just fall into place by being out in the open and dealt with accordingly.
This means you have to establish equal ground. Let each other know that you view each other as equals and love each kther no matter what. This goes for intimate relationships, friendships, children, etc. Then make a safe environment. Establish ground rules for a safe and hostile free communicative environment. This means NOT getting mad when someone is bringing up an issue. You cannot feel criticized even though its hard because its probably coming from a place of hurt within them.
Then make sure each person takes turns talking. No talking over one another.
Listen to what each other is saying. Dont just wait for your turn.
Put yourself in their shoes and try to establish a way to let them know you love them, you heard them and youre ready to move forward on a plan to fix the issue so that youre both happy.
Love and life takes sacrifice. But you will never be able to enjoy the little beautiful things about life if you don't get out of your own head and your own little world and realize everyone has a world as big as yours and we are all truly insignificant so the only thing we can do is find those few good people that are worth loving and hurting for.
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